He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
