I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm like, not good at living.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
