you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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