but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
