Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
