tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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