I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
