So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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