this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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