So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
