dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
