I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
