Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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