Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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