I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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