guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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