I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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