I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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