you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
