please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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