first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize