chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
