saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
