whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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