I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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