Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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