ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
