I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
