This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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