went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize