so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
