ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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