Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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