Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
