How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
