This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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