First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
