i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
