My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
