Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
