I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
