you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
