yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize