my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
