Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
