forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
