I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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