i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
