YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
