so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
they're like a gay fantastic four
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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