gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
