one two three fourrrrnication!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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