I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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