the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
