I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize