if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize