My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
