for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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