her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
